Steven Wright Quotes

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Steven Wright

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright

It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.
Steven Wright

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!
Steven Wright

It happens so fast, and I've been doing it so long that it's unconscious.
Steven Wright

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright